Two People, One Reality: What if this whole time I was wrong?

I’ve found that many people walk through life uncertain of their purpose—their “Why am I here?” or “Who am I?”—yet those same people can be adamantly certain that they are right.  Right about whose fault it was. Right about who is to blame for the choices they’ve made. Right about how everyone else should live, act, or exist.  But how often do we stop and ask ourselves: What if this whole time I was wrong?

Yesterday, I honked at a woman coming out of an ice cream shop parking lot. I couldn’t safely turn into the parking lot until she got out of the way. There I was, patiently waiting for her to exit, stopped in the right lane as the cars behind me grew annoyed that I had abruptly come to a full stop.  Suddenly, the car behind me angrily swerved around me at great speed, right as the woman was about to fully exit the parking lot.  To avoid a potential accident, I honked heavily to warn her.  Instead of being thankful, she began cursing me out profusely because, from her perspective, I was honking at her to hurry up.

Nonetheless, my mission was accomplished. In those few seconds of honking, I got her to stop in her tracks and avoid driving into the oncoming car.  This woman probably went home that day with a story about how rude people can be—and how she almost got into an accident because this bitch honked at her while she was leaving the ice cream shop.  But this whole time, she was wrong.  That wasn’t my intention at all.

How many times have we misunderstood something we were completely sure of? How many times have we ourselves been misunderstood? And how many times did we intend to protect someone, only to communicate the exact opposite message?

As an adult who has undergone a lot of inner work through self-examination, I now realize that there were so many more variables to equations in my life that I never considered. 

For years I misunderstood my mother, I resented my father, and despised my ex.  I felt abandoned by family, friends and lovers.  I limited myself to seeing things from my own perspective. I rarely considered: What if I was wrong?”  What if all these traumatic episodes in my life really had nothing to do with me? 

I relived these experiences on repeat, with extreme self-pity and victimization, yet I didn’t take accountability for my choices.  Sure, there were conditions I was placed in outside of my control, but I’ve always had a choice on how to act, think or perceive.  I questioned how the world could be so cruel to someone who was inherently kind.  I questioned what exactly the purpose of living a loveless life was. 

I spent most days sleeping, attempting to escape this reality that was unbearably heavy.  And I began to soul search.  I began to examine who I am.  What does that mean to me?  I began to question why I think the way I do and how I feel about that.  I observed my actions, my words, my choices…I began to analyze my patterns.  How can we change the outcome if we don’t even know the variables in the equation?  I began a journey of self-discovery and self-examination.

Today I can say I have the capacity to hold empathy for myself, for not knowing then what I know now.  I hold compassion for the people I blamed for so long without fully understanding what they were going through.  I hold space for observation without judgment, discussion without blame, and exploration without expectation.

I have finally begun to open myself up for connection.  Instead of sitting in despair waiting to be valued, I became the version of myself that has self-worth and creates space for the connection I’ve been seeking.  I became not only the initiator but also the receiver.

And even though I have this new overstanding, one thing I know for certain is that I will never fully perceive everything exactly as it truly is.  I know now, I’m merely a wise fool who will undoubtedly be wrong many times over.  But I'm willing to remain open to understand and to me, that’s enough.